| I'm going to college!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!In the spring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| Well I'm leaving Illinois on Saturday night and heading to Texas to live once again. I feel bad that I keep leaving mom , who has done so much for me to go live in Texas where i'll have to depend on myself and yes my mom will still help but that's about it. I wish I could stop playing this ping pong game with myself. Well I think that is all for now i have to go finish up doing laundry and what packing I have left. Well i'll write more tomorrow and saturday!!
Susan |
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Well I have like less than two weeks to pack all my stuff up again, before I make the life changing move again. Why can't I ever be happy where ever I choose a place? I think I've moved almost every year that I've been alive. I'm certainly not bragging about that. I keep trying to say that I'm growing up, but why the hell am I acting like a little child who can't decide which Barbie outfit I like better? Then I write a poem about how my father has screwed up and how I still love him for it, but he hates me now. I would hate myself to if I was him. I really don't care about anything anymore and it is really sad how I am getting depressed because I'm not myself anymore, I'm some bitchy, lazy ass, whore. I really don't know what to do about what is all going on in my head, I feel like everything that anyone has told me to do about my life is just drowning me and I'm not able to burst through the top and breathe. I bet this sounds really weird but it's what is going on in my head. I don't know maybe I'm going crazy like many others in my life.
the other day I was sitting here wondering if this move is the right thing to do or not. Deep down in me is telling me that it's really not the right thing to do, because I know that I'm not getting into TCU.Plus, I have a feeling that I'll wined up turning out like my sister, no offense Steph, but I don't want to go through what you have. I am scared,worried, and doubtful about this move. I can't talk to anyone about it, because they always say stay where you feel is the right place for you, I have no clue were that is. I feel like I'm a lost soul wondering the afterlife searching for my place in the underworld. I need to grow-up, but I really don't know how to, if that makes any sense. I really wonder what life will bring next for me.Well I guess that is it for now. I love ya all!!Susan
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| OMGOSH!!!!! I CAN FINALLY LEGALLY DRIVE BY MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M SO EXCITED, CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!! THE GUY WAS A ROYAL ASS WHOLE TO ME THOUGH!!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SUSAN |
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Susan |
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